The day I was mauled by Britain’s misguided dog owners

Border Terrier
A dog. It's just a dog… Credit: Martin Barraud/Caiaimage

Last week, while swimming on Hampstead Heath, I overheard two fellow swimmers talking seriously about not seeing any “drowning today”. Drowning? I hadn’t heard of anyone drowning.

I continued listening, concerned. A minute later it became clear they were actually talking about wasps. That’s right. Wasps. They had not seen any wasps drown that day on their swim.

To be clear, I’m (almost) used to hearing people speak in grave tones about the “mood”, “personality” and dietary preferences of Ludo, Sprinkles and Daisypop, their dogs. I recently heard two mothers at the pond talking about their pups.

One of the women worriedly discussed the “introspection” of poor Doodle, unluckily on display just...

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